Sacrifice :: An Almost Home Birth Story

Post by Contributing Writer, Daniele

From the beginning we’ve talked about the environment desired for our children’s births — thinking, praying, seeking options.  Delivering at home became one possibility.

We questioned friends who had journeyed this way, sought out a midwife and excitedly anticipated the idea.  At first.

Over time, my husband’s hesitancy grew.  In all honesty, there was uncertainty on my part as well; we were both wavering.  We talked again and together decided to hold off and proceed with a hospital birth; overall our experience went well.

An almost repeat situation occurred with the next pregnancy.  We would enter discussions about delivering at home and then again shun the idea.  I was much more at ease and my husband not so much.

I didn’t mind and we had found some exceptional physicians whose philosophies were in agreement with ours.  With that next birth, a pleasant one, they allowed us much freedom.

And also with the next birth as well!  I grew deeper in appreciation for my ‘think outside the box’ obstetricians and the field in general as my sister was now in medical school for the same purpose.  But by this point, I had been growing in the desire for delivering at home, we had not experienced any major complications and…hadn’t I proven that I could do this?

A seed of resentment had been planted in the soil of disappointment.

Time went on, and while my frustration wasn’t front and center…it was there.

In late 2008, we were expecting again and this time — this time with my mindset rather determined, I petitioned my husband once more.  We had discussions and decided to each take time to pray.  I avoided initial visits with our OBs, just in case.

To my surprise, he came back with a ‘yes’.  I could almost hear the angels singing up above!  Yes.  After all these years….yes! And while something didn’t feel quite right on the inside, I simply ignored the nudge to dig deeper.  Days became filled with beginning plans for the long-anticipated home delivery.

But it didn’t take long to figure out that this prompting was of God and not at all to be ignored.

In conversations with a friend, I shared the uneasiness that had been growing.  The won’t-leave-me-alone restlessness.  And right then I wondered if my husband was really on board or if…I had simply just ‘won’?

The nudge within led to a decision to prepare myself for releasing the idea completely, even before speaking with my spouse.  This was not easy. I had waited and waited and finally! the opportunity was in front of me — and now I needed to sacrifice? The temptation to continue on with plans was great.

Thankfully, as I prayed, the desire to honor the Lord’s prompting became greater.  When later approaching the subject with my husband, my heart was motivated by a much bigger-than-me attitude of grace. An understanding that the birthing experience would only be pleasant if we were anticipating with excitement — together.

And so together, we said no to a home birth.

I have yet to regret that decision.


Maybe you have a story similar to mine, even if a different topic?  What should we do when our spouses may not be completely on board with an idea or growing conviction that is burning on our hearts? I offer only a few suggestions and am open to yours:

~ Pray, pray, pray! Find one or two trusted friends to join you as well.  Check attitudes against the word of God, asking Him to spotlight any trouble areas.

~ Honestly share with your husband the idea, concerns, etc. I’ve found this is best done when the atmosphere is relaxed (not when he’s rushing out the door!) and there is ample time to share.  Seek to explain your heart in a way that honors the both of you.

~ Make him the priority above the subject. Whether it’s a home birth, more natural living practices or something completely different, the health of our marriages are of greater importance.

~ Avoid manipulation. Especially in subtle ways, be careful of this temptation.

~ Anticipate a compromise.  Instead of digging our heels deeper, be prepared to work together at another solution. In our case, we considered a birthing center, but for a variety of reasons, stayed with our hospital decision.

While not always easy, it is always possible to trust the Lord with our marriage!

What other suggestions might you have?

{post shared with the affirmation of my spouse}

Daniele is a pastor’s wife and homeschooling mama of five–a woman on a journey towards intentional living.  She celebrates family, gathers up grace, and nurtures the spirit over at Domestic Serenity. You’re welcome to visit!

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12 comments to Sacrifice :: An Almost Home Birth Story

  • Brittany

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have been in a similar situation. I would love a home birth, but my husband is very uncomfortable with the idea. Friends both IRL and online who have had homebirths sometimes make me feel like it’s the only “right” choice and that having a hospital birth is risky.

    But you are so right. Our relationship is so much more important than having a baby at home, or any other “natural living” changes. And I do want my husband to enjoy the birth of his children. Anyway, thanks for helping me come to peace with this a little more! :)


  • Thank you so much for this post. It was very encouraging and inspiring. God bless! :)


  • Lovely post! I need to remind myself often to check my motives when talking with my husband. Its very easy to ‘persuade’ without being very obvious.


  • Debra

    Going through that right now with my deep desire to homeschool my almost 5 year old and my husband isn’t so sure about homeschooling. Trying to remember to keep MY options open and come to terms with the fact that we may send her to public school. Thank you for your helpful and timely insight!


  • co

    Thank you sooo much for sharing your story!! Too often when it comes to things like this we get the idea that it is the right decision and if our husband doesn’t agree then we must convince him or do it anyway (like spending money on “real food” that he doesn’t feel is necessary) We should never feel guilty about submitting to the wishes of our husbands, even if it goes against what we think would be “right”.


  • Thank you for sharing this post. So many young married women view “submission” as a type of bondage, but there is such freedom in it. I have been married almost 20 years (in June) and have had many situations over the years that I tried to push to get my way. I have never regretted laying down my own agenda. Coming to a place of true unity has been a safeguard over and over!


  • Bobbi

    This post really inspired me and is mirroring something that is going on in my life as well. Not a home birth, (way too old), but something that I had to pray upon for a while now. I too had a feeling deep inside and ignored it, but finally got what he wanted me to do…or rather what not to do. Thank you for reinforcing his presence and love.


  • Thanks ladies for your encouraging comments and input as well. Grace to each of us as we seek to honor our spouses and the Lord!


  • What a lovely testimony of listening to the Lord through your husband, who was given to protect you:-) I too, with my fifth child wanted to homebirth, my husband was not on board. WEll, I had an amniotic fluid embolism–if I had been home I would certainly have died, most women die in hospital! God had his hand over me and the baby and I am so glad I honored my husband’s wishes:-)


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  • bobcat

    Great post. I think that those closest to us (God, our husbands, and of course ourselves) often know what is best, above and beyond the influences of what others on websites, forums, suggest. Remember, the people suggesting homebirth (or anything else) do not know your situation like your husband, so we need to be careful who/what we allow to be our primary influences.

    More than once, I have found myself being influenced unecessarily by a person somewhere in cyberspace, who I don’t even know. It is hard sometimes to stop and say, “Who are the important people in my life? What do they think?” Having more information and more options is great, but we can’t let an outside force make a decision FOR us.

    Sometimes all these options become more of a distraction, distracting us from doing what just makes sense for our situation.

    But the way Daniele said all of that is so much more eloquent! :) So thank you.


  • I do understand that we need to submit to our husbands, and that we shouldn’t do what they don’t feel comfortable doing… but I must say that I also think we as the ones in labor should have the final word in a sense. We’re the ones in pain, we’re the ones putting ourselves in the hands of doctors or midwives, not our husbands. I know I’d LOVE a home-birth and I hope my husband gets there by our next baby (so far we’ve moved from a hospital birth to a center birth, so maybe home-birth is next?)… but if we lived in an area with less options, and I felt the need to “push” for a home birth, I’d do it, as a matter of stewardship!


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