Post by Contributing Writer, Lydia
It’s almost 2 am by my bedroom alarm clock, and she wakes up screaming.
From in here, snuggled up with the baby, I can hear her sobs. I know she’s heading my way, so I slip out of bed before Peter is awakened, meet her in the hallway. She stands in her jammies, so slight and so small, squinting in the electric light. “Mama, my legs…my legs!”
At 2 o’clock in the morning, I draw a warm bath for a little girl with growing pains – the kind you can’t sleep through, the kind that make your knees throb in pain. My smallest child yet, she’s the only one who has resisted growing this way. My 90th percentile children never woke up in the middle of the night, sobbing for relief. No, she’s the only one, my petite child who experiences growth as pure pain.
I’ve been 5’8″ for years, yet I know her grief. It hurts when I grow, too.
The tub fills and the tears stop. I perch on the edge of the tub and stroke her hair. Her eyes nearly close with exhaustion. Once she’s ready, I lift her out, wrap her snug in a fluffy white towel. I rub arnica into her knees and dress her once again in pajamas. Tuck her into bed with a kiss. I stand in the hall for a moment and watch the rise and fall of her little chest and think about growth.
So often, growing can feel like running the gauntlet. Growth is a hard won prize. To grow in patience, one must practice by experiencing the chafe of irritation. To grow in mercy, more opportunities that require it of you.
Growing as a Mother has had me stripped of every creature comfort that there is at times, and then setting me on sleep deprived feet and saying, “Ok, now GO! Be a good mom!”
Yes, growth can be a difficult, painful road to travel. Perhaps the good news is we don’t have to travel this road alone.
There’s Someone who hears our cries in the night, One who wipes tears and encourages, wraps us up in mercy and sets us back down on that path, ready to try again.
And so, one step at a time, I grow right alongside these children of mine. There are good days and bad. There are days that it appears I have gone back to square one. There are times I want to just throw in the towel and forget the whole thing.
But there are also days that I can see how far I’ve come and yet how far there is left to go, and I am ready to continue on. 2 am wake up calls and all.
Lydia is Mama to 5 little ones, wife to a wonderful husband, knitter, writer, grace-seeker and beauty chaser. You can catch up with Lydia daily at Small Town Simplicity.